The Stupidest Angel transcript
© Bimbo Media
00:02
Holly: This is Bimbo Book Club with Holly,
00:12
Harley: And Harley. All right Holly, do you want to tell everybody what we're talking about today?
00:19
Holly: We are doing a Christmas Episode.
00:24
Harley: Yes, I didn’t know that was a thing that we would be doing but I'm not mad at it.
00:29
Holly: No, I'm not mad either. So this week we are doing The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore. I believe the tagline is something like a heartwarming tale of pure terror or something.
00:39
Harley: So it’s a heartwarming tale of Christmas terror.
00:40
Holly:
Oh a heartwarming tale of Christmas terror, and I think that's pretty accurate.
00:46
Harley: I think that was what it said on the cover, anyway, let me check, yes ‘heartwarming tale of Christmas terror’.
00:50
Holly: Very accurate, I believe.
00:55
Harley: So overall what did you think of the book?
00:57
Holly: It's not the kind of thing that I read, it was a comedy. And I don't generally pick up comedies unless it's an autobiography of a comedian. I generally, am not a comedy reader. I did enjoy it. I think the first half was a little bit slow. But then once there was the big twist. I did enjoy it. I enjoyed the last half, more than the first half. But I did enjoy it.
01:23
Harley: I definitely think there was some stuff. We'll get into more details about what I think of it. But I think that maybe a novel was not the best format for it. But before we do that, spoiler warning, from here on out, we will start talking specifics. So if you're determined to read a ‘heartwarming tale of Christmas terror’ with no spoilers, then please leave immediately. Otherwise, let's carry on. So the basic plot summary is that the angel Raziel has come to earth with a mission to make a child's Christmas wish come true. So something that can only be done through divine intervention.
01:57
Holly: Yes, and this, just to clarify, is the stupidest angel, the title is referring to.
02:03
Harley: Which I have to say, as somebody who quite likes biblical angels, like Raziel is a real angel and there as part of me that's like, the audacity.
02:10
Holly: I love that, like he's had to come to Earth for this mission, because he lost a bet, or lost in a game of cards, or something.
02:18
Harley: To Michael, who was supposed to come down.
02:22
Holly: So he's lost the mission or gained the mission.
02:27
Harley: To be fair part of the thing that we do see a little bit from Raziel's perspective. And he's very much like, I'd much rather be smiting the town.
02:32
Holly: Yes, this is beneath me, this little mission.
02:36
Harley: Some of the stupidness of the stupid this angel is taking things literally and the ‘look, I'm just trying to get this Christmas mission wrapped up so I can go back to a good old-fashioned smiting’. And if you smite something, you get the town wrong. It's no big deal.
02:53
Holly: So I think I enjoy the second half of the book, which happens after the Christmas wish is granted. And that is probably the big spoiler.
03:00
Harley: So that's the biggest spoiler. So essentially, it starts off early in the book, a child witnesses what he thinks is the murder of Santa. So unsurprisingly, it's somebody dressed in a Santa suit, who does actually die. But this kid just sees Santa that smacked in the face with a shovel. And he's like, oh my God, Santa is dead. Christmas is ruined. So the angel at this point is like, you want me to bring Santa back from the dead? Sorted. That's your Christmas wish, done. But we do start prior to that. And as much as I think this story really takes off from the point where he's like, Hey, Santa, you're coming back. There are some really funny scenes, specifically around Raziel actually.
03:47
Holly: He's a very dry character.
03:50
Harley: And he's very literal. So like the first scene where we meet him, and you know what's going on this, like handsome stranger walks into a bar, you figure out what's going on pretty fast, because the title makes it obvious that an angel is showing up at some point. But this handsome stranger walks into a bar. The bartender Mavis is like how you doin’. And he turns around to her and goes, I need a child. So it's this random dude, walks into a bar, I need a child. One, why do you think there would be a child in a bar and two, that's very problematic. And she of course is like, what the fuck venue do you think this is? No, and he's like, alright, well, a Snickers and a Coke will do.
04:26
Holly: Wasn't it a Diet Coke?
04:28
Harley: Something like that. But there's a couple of moments where he's like, interacting with the townsfolk. And he really is very much like, I need a child, any child will do. And they're reacting like, there's a person coming in and can you imagine, just a man walking up to you and being like, I need a child, any child. So he finds said child in his house. So this poor kid, he's come home from his friends late and he's like, oh my god, I'm going to get in so much trouble and then I'm already on the naughty list. Just because I'm coming home late, I'm going to be in trouble with my mum and watches Santa get murdered. As far as he's aware, comes home has a moment of relief being like, at least my mum's not here. But also no other adult to be like, my god, Santa is dead, walks into his kitchen and the strange man picks him up. And he's like, ‘what's your wish child?’
05:25
Holly: So the child wishes for Santa to come back to life basically. And I think I mentioned in the House of Hunger episode that I was waiting for, from dusk till dawn moment. Anyway, I got it. One book too late! So the angel goes and grants his wish. And done.
05:50
Harley: So part of the problem is because so Dale, who is the guy who's dressed as Santa, because he is murdered, he doesn't have a funeral. So he doesn't have a grave. He's missing as far as the town’s concerned. So the angel only knows that he's buried in the forest somewhere. And so he's like, the guy over there bring him back to life. He waves in the direction of a graveyard, or church, which has a graveyard attached. So he does bring Dale or Santa back to life.
06:18
Holly: Along with everyone else.
06:20
Harley: So, not everybody else, they do establish there's a rule where it's like, 30 years or something is the longest that someone can stay in the graveyard. So they're relatively recent deaths.
06:27
Holly: But some are still just like a puddle of sludge.
06:31
Harley: Yes, so they'd like definitely coming back in various states of decay. But hilarity ensues because they all wake up and they're like, fuck yeah brains.
06:45
Holly: And IKEA. These zombies are on a mission to get brains, go to IKEA. How could you forget the IKEA?
06:53
Harley: So anyway, that's the main turning point in the story is, when all the zombies wake up, because up till there, it's how do we get everybody to the church? And kind of preamble.
07:05
Holly: And it's a long introduction to each of the characters individually, and you didn't need to meet all of them. You could have probably got away with just meeting. Molly and her husband.
07:13
Harley: And Lena and Tucker.
07:15
Holly: And the child, hopefully. That's it. But we do get a long introduction for each of these characters.
07:25
Harley: And some that don't really count like for the scientist, Theo's friend and his ex. There's a long introduction to her for them to just go fuck in the graveyard and then that’s all.
07:35
Holly: I thought it was Molly and her hubby that fucked in the graveyard.
07:38
Harley: That was right at the start. Because at the end the ghosts were like ‘who knew the therapist could get that loud?’
07:46
Holly: So, there's lots of sex in the graveyard happening.
07:48
Harley: Apparently everybody's doing it for the entertainment of the ghosts.
07:53
Holly: So hang on, is it a graveyard, or is it a cemetery? Because one is attached to a church and one is not attached to church?
07:56
Harley: Then whatever is attached to a church. Which one is it?
08:02
Holly: I’m gonna Google it.
08:03
Harley: Random distinctions I didn't know we needed but apparently we do.
08:10
Holly: Look at me, I’m so smart.
08:10
Harley: So I already know the answer to this question. But favorite character.
08:12
Holly: Molly.
08:12
Harley: 100%, absolutely. Would we say Molly or would we say Kendra, Warrior Babe of the outland?
08:18
Holly: Kendra Warrior Babe, for sure!
08:19
Harley: So Molly is one of the main characters and she suffers a wee bit of separation from reality.
08:30
Holly: Yes, so she's painted very early on as like the town's crazy lady. And she is, because she wanders around with a sword.
08:38
Harley: So part of the kind of thing for her and Theo is so they're dating each other and they made a condition essentially that she would go on her meds if he went off his. So he stopped smoking pot, and she took antipsychotics. However, at the start of the novel, in order to get him a designer bong, she went off her meds to save some money so that she can afford this high-end bong. And he has grown a massive weed patch to sell off, so that he can buy her a sword because she broke her Broadsword. So he buys her like a fancy sword. So they're in this space where they're both lying to each other and they're both in some fashion broke in their deal, but they've broken their deal in order to honor who the other person is. So he's like, bought her this sword to be like, I love you as Molly, but I also love you when you take your occasional slips into Kendra Warrior Babe, which was a character she played in movies back in the day.
09:35
Holly: So there's a question there. It's not explicitly said in the book, but when she's playing this warrior babe, were they pornos?
09:48
Harley: I didn't get the vibe that they were, though is this me somehow not immediately going to porn even though you would think that I would.
09:55
Holly: Yes, I would have thought your brain would go straight to porn.
09:58
Harley: But I got that idea that they were those B-grade, 70s style movies, that are clearly like a fetish movie, but not actually porn, where it's like, no, it's just science fiction that's aboveboard and legitimate. Totally for real. It's art. But it's clearly catering to somebody's fetish, even though it's not explicitly like widget A in slot B, like be porn. That's the vibe that I got. But I could be wrong.
10:30
Holly: Well, I don't know. Because I felt like it was softcore porn that could maybe mask as one of those movies, but I definitely thought it was like, porn.
10:39
Harley: So we're like on either side of the same fence. Because it's not that I didn't think that they were sexual or like that. Because she talks about how her role stopped, because she got a scar across the top of her boob. But if you put somebody in the bikinis that they use, like a Slave Leia, bikini. That's going to fuck that up anyway. I'm not talking about Star Wars, here I am talking about those B-grade sci-fi movies with the like warrior babes and things like that. The role of those movies was that, like, men could go to watch a movie and be like, ‘no, I'm just watching a movie because I like it.’ But they absolutely just having a wank over the main character. But it's that denial thing where it's like, ‘what? Us doing porn? We would never’ versus the like, ‘yeah, no, this is porn.’ And the vibe I got from it, or the assumption that I made was the like, ‘what? Us making porn? We would never!’ Wink wink, nudge nudge. As opposed to the like, ‘yeah it’s porn.’
11:36
Holly: Porn or not. She is a very hyper-sexual character.
11.40
Harley:
And frequently walks around nude.
11:43
Holly: Yeah, but, that's part of her psychotic break I thought, because when she has a psychotic break, she falls back into warrior babe territory.
11:52
Harley: But also, I think that she is like quite sexual walks around in the nude and things like that. The difference is that when she's having a psychotic break, she does things like when she goes into the corner store. And she's like, ‘I don't know why he's looking at me funny.’ He's like, ‘so we've got to like a policy that no shoes, no service.’ And she's like, ‘oh yeah, I forgot to put my shoes on.’ And he's like, ‘Yes, while you're going to get your shoes out of the car do you maybe want to put some pants on as well?’
12:16
Holly: Yes, that bit was implied.
12:18
Harley: You're also not wearing pants or underwear. You've got your top on, and you've done that successfully.
12:22
Holly: I love that she just is her and her hubby just loves her so completely.
12:27
Harley: So her getting him the bong is her saying ‘I love you. In all your weird stoner glory, even though you smoked away too much pot and you needed to tone it down.’ And his present to her is saying 'I love you and all your warrior babe glory. But please stay on your meds.'
12:44
Harley: However, it's important that she goes off her meds because apparently angels are attracted to crazy people.
12:54
Holly: So it's important that she goes off her meds because the angel is attracted to her. And he has the task that he has to prove that he is an angel. And He does that by removing her scar.
13:03
Harley: But also she's the one that communicates with him best because everybody else is like, even though there are zombies there, and it's clearly like something is amiss. And there's something supernatural happening. Inclined to be like, ‘No, fuck off,’ where she's like, ‘yep cool. So you're an angel, and you've done a Christmas miracle. Unfortunately, you read the room wrong. So can you like, undo that shit?’ And he's like, ‘oh okay, sure.’ And so they need to have that character who will be there who is like, ‘cool you're an angel. You've proved that, you removed my scar. That seems legitimate.’ Anyway, on to the more important stuff. She also does fight off the zombies because she doesn't just float about being a warrior princess. She actually does a whole bunch of training.
13:42
Holly: Yes, she really embodies this warrior princess role with her swords. And is often spotted in an itty bitty bikini, with her swords strapped to her back practicing in the front yard or wandering through town. I also really appreciate that, a lot of the novel is told from inside the head of various characters. And then when we're in the head of Molly, we're also introduced to an additional character who she refers to as the narrator, which is the crazy voice. So she comes off an anti psychotics, she's got a voice in her head, she dubs him the narrator. And for a portion of it, he's giving her sound advice about what to do.
14:24
Harley: And I love too there’s a point where she's like, I really need to get back on my meds. Like I maybe actually need to borrow some money and get back on my meds because the narrator is starting to be the logical voice and I'm starting to be the illogical one. I think it's something like he's like ‘you were cooking noodles or whatever, but by the way you've left the stove on and you should probably turn that off.’
14:44
Holly: Before you go fight the zombies. Maybe make sure the house wasn't burned down.
14:50
Harley: And she's like, ‘oh fuck, he’s making sense.’ That’s when it's time to worry. Anyway, I gotta go fight some zombies. But yes, she definitely is a standout character. I would actually say so. Molly and the zombies are a big part of why I say this, I really found, I think that this would be better as a graphic novel.
15:11
Holly: I would agree with that.
15:14
Harley: Because there's so many very cool things visually that work. I can see how it would work as a graphic novel. Like, obviously, you've got that warrior babe thing and the swords cutting through the comic panels and all that stuff. But there's such a visual thing with the zombies where like, one of them's a radio DJ, and all that stuff. And it's like, can have that thing where he's talking from the radio booth. With the headphones on and things like that, because he does that DJ voice thing for a few of it. I just feel like there's very visual elements of the story that would have worked really well in a graphic novel format. And it's got that edginess to it that is very graphic novel as well.
15:51
Holly: I completely agree with that.
15:54
Harley: That was just that, the whole time I was reading it. I was like, this is what I'm seeing. The ‘thwack’ with the shovel and the Santa teeth spraying across the page.
16:05
Holly: Very like Tank Girl-esque
16:11
Harley: It's not as gory, but even that Sin City quality to it.
16:15
Holly: I could see it as Sin City meets Tank Girl, everything in black and white kind of thing. And then when she's off her meds, everything's in Technicolor. That could be like a cool…
16:25
Harley: Even done entirely in black and white, would be very cool with the sprays of…
16:30
Holly: Red and green because it's Christmas.
16:35
Harley: I like the way you think. I felt like it was a good story in the wrong format.
16:41
Holly: I'd agree with that.
16:44
Harley: Because I have quite a visual brain. And I do like to read things. It's not often that I make that call. So up until now, I would have probably said that Fight Club is the only novel I've read where I'm like, this is the wrong format for this story. Like that needed to be a movie. And I'm very glad it was turned into one because that was a story that was better told through that visual medium.
17:04
Holly: Absolutely. Do you think this would have made a good movie?
17:07
Harley: I think it's too short for a movie. Because when you actually take out all of the preamble of introducing the characters, it's quite short. So I think it would have been too short for a movie.
17:17
Holly: So it is a quick read. But I feel like both of us struggled through that first section. So it still took us a while to get through it. But then that second section, I powered through that really quickly. And I'm not a fast reader.
17:32
Harley: And this is where I think, again, that graphic novel format can be that like, you can have one or two pages of introduction to each character and it would have worked quite well across those things. You've got a few panels of storytelling and all that stuff. And some of that you can expand out because to a certain degree, you've got Theo the cop and Theo the pothead, who are the same person but two different sides of that coin. And then you've got Molly, the crazy lady of the town, and Kendra Warrior Babe, who's her other persona, and so they can have some extra space on the page. And then otherwise, you can skip straight through it. And I feel like we spend a lot of time with characters like Mavis, and the psychiatrist who was dating the scientist, where it's like, they needed to be named characters, but I don't know that we needed to really give a shit about them to be perfectly honest. And I think that you could have cut out a lot of that stuff. Because really, the only reason that we really needed any extra information on the scientist is because Theo was not taken seriously as a cop, because he was the town copper and he was a pothead and all that stuff. So when he hits a man, who just gets up and walks away, he's like, ‘I can't take these hairs that found in my wheel to the actual CSI people because they won't take me seriously and they're going to think that I was tripping balls. And so I'm going to take it to my friend to be like, you put these under microscope and tell me what they are?’ That's it. And his whole obsession with zapping his balls. Again I feel like that would have been a funny like comic panel.
19:10
Holly: Yea, but it would have been like a page and then move on.
19:11
Harley: Maybe a couple of pages because you would have had a whole page like zap. Would have been like a full panel page.
19:19
Holly: But not as much page spaces it took up.
19:22
Harley: We have to have this whole backstory about how he'd been hard done by because his girlfriend who was obviously a bad match for him, and they just had sexual compatibility had left him and he was like ‘all women are the worst. So now I need to electroshock my balls until I'm no longer attracted to women.’ And what he discovered was, because he was doing it to mice as well, to rats to make it a real experiment not just developing a new fetish, which is a common fetish, but it also two fetishes, it's the like self-flagellation and then the electroshock. Baby, If you want to be a sad sack, be a sad sack. Just zap your balls and be a sad sack. You don't need to kill rats to make this happen but what he discovers is that eventually the rats, so he like zapped them every time when they go near a female rat in heat, every time they come up to be like Hey baby, how you doing? He zaps their balls. And what he discovers is that instead of learning to stop being attracted to female rats, they just develop a thing for being electrocuted.
20:21
Holly: Yes, because Pavlov already established this it’s conditioning.
20:25
Harley: Also every single sex worker ever can tell you that nothing will stop men from wanting to get some action, once they want some action, they will just go for it. The will just go ‘I've suddenly decided that I'm into being electrocuted, and now I can only get off when you're actively zapping my balls.’ Anyway, the important part is I think there was a lot of banging on about this, like it was a big section of it. And I think that in a comic format, it could have been as much of a section but you would have powered through it faster. And it would have been funnier in a visual format.
20:57
Holly: There were also quite a few images of the bat, which would have been quite funny to see.
21:00
Harley: Roberto the talking bat?
21:03
Holly: Roberto the talking bat, who helped to save the town as well.
21:10
Harley: Does he actually talk?
21:11
Holly: Well, the only person that he talks to is Molly.
21:13
Harley: On the page. So Lena, who kills Santa, who is actually her ex-husband, who's an abusive fuckhead, so she kills him in self-defense. But Tucker shows up, like he sees it happen along with the kid whose like ‘oh my God, Santa is dead’ and runs away, Tucker’s like ‘you okay? Let's bury the body.’ So they're in it together that they've killed this guy. And they've hidden the body and made it look like he's fallen off a cliff or something. Tucker has a pet fruit bat. And he frequently references Roberto, the fruit bat being able to talk. But it is one of those things where everyone's like, ‘anyway, there's this new pilot from out of town, who babbles on about his fruit bat talking.
22:00
Holly: But also, he witnessed a woman murder Santa, and then was like, ‘cool. I'll help you with the body.’ He's probably a bit off his rocker, too.
22:08
Harley: Certainly the way that he adapts to stuff and things. And you don't get a very good read on his character. Because he comes in as the like, ‘I’m DEA. But I'm not actually a cop. I'm just a pilot. I just helped them find, like marijuana plants but also they find meth labs and marijuana growing.
22:31
Holly: But he had to stress the actual cop out.
22:34
Harley: But the reason why this seems to come up is so that he can blackmail Theo. So Theo figures out that he's part of Dale's disappearance, because he finds fruit bat hairs in Dale's car, and the only person with a fruit bat is the one naughty pilot from out of town, who can then turn around and be like, ‘so I decided to turn away but I know what a massive crop looks like. We can fly over that area tomorrow, or I can continue to have weather malfunctions and not be able to go in that area, your call. So they have this weird alliance, but hate each other.
23:11
Holly: It's a mutually assured destruction there.
23:15
Harley: But anyway, but then he is whole motivation for helping bury Santa, is that he's lonely at Christmas. And he wants to fuck Lena. So he's like, 'I'll help you hide a dead body so that we can be not alone.’ But then they're actually a good match. And actually a great match. And I do feel like those logical jumps need to be explained in a novel whereas again, in the graphic novel format, you've only got so many panels and we're rolling with the crazy here.
23:45
Holly: May get a few like hearts beating out of chests, love heart eyes, done. Move on. And I was very confused with the size of this fruit bat because he was like wearing it as a hat at one point, but then also, it seemed to be like big in some areas. And maybe that was just me reading it wrong.
23:59
Harley: But also it hung from the top of a Christmas tree. And if it's big enough to wear as a hat, then isn't that too big?
24:07
Harley: And the fruit bats that I've come into contact with are small. I didn't actually think fruit bats were very big.
24:14
Holly: No, but then again, we already know. I don't nature very much, so I could be wrong.
24:19
Harley: Most of my interaction with bats is like going back to the car park after work. And then flying over and being like ‘oh cool a bat!' Or that time I nearly got hit by lightning, I was like, ‘it's so witchy and there's bats everywhere.’ And then we nearly got electrocuted. And my friend was like, ‘Can you not?’ Because you were literally here being like, ‘it's so magical. I'm feeling all the witchy vibe.’ And then we nearly died.
24:48
Holly: You were very excited about it, I got a very long Voice Note.
24:50
Harley: Basically being like, ‘so I’m Thor now.’
24:52
Holly: That’s exactly what it said.
25:00
Harley: And you’re not the only person I said that to.
25:02
Holly: I don’t doubt that for a second.
25:05
Harley: To be fair, Meg’s response was, ‘why do I get the gypsy curse and you get to be the God of Thunder’ and I didn’t have a good response for that. I’m not the one who got her hair stolen by a gypsy in the middle of Paris so I’m not the one who got gypsy cursed.’
25:19
Holly: So moral of the story. Don’t get hit by lightning and also don’t let someone steal your hair in the middle of Paris.
25:26
Harley: Let might be a bit of a strong word. Pro tip: Have hair extensions then whoever hair they’re stealing is not yours and you can be like ‘well that sucks for someone somewhere.’ Anyway, the gypsy curse has been a long-standing joke. So good times. Back to the actual thing we're talking about. I really feel like a detour into I'm Thor and my friend has a gypsy curse, is not that off-tap for this episode.
25:58
Holly: It feels very much on par with…
26:00
Harley: …On theme for Pine Cove. It's California, right?
26:01
Holly: I'm not sure. It's somewhere where fruit bats are not native. That's all I could tell you.
26:05
Harley: So there's lots of pine trees and it comes up as an issue because there's a big storm. Which I'm not sure actually serves much of a purpose beyond there getting to be like mud and gore and zombies everywhere. Which again, is very visual and to get trees to fall down to it. They have battering rams and stuff?
26:27
Holly: They did have battering rams, the zombies had battering rams.
26:30
Harley: Because the trees are falling down because there's no taproots in pine trees apparently. According to the book, if that is factually incorrect, and you're somebody who knows that about trees.
26:38
Holly: Well, I just remember that I was looking at the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery. So I'm just comparing to that for a moment.
26:44
Harley: And to circle back around to the start of the episode.
26:50
Harley: I'm not looking at if pine trees have tap roots. If that’s wrong, come for the author, not for me.
26:53
Holly: So graveyard, which was previously called a churchyard.
26:57
Harley: It was a graveyard, not a cemetery.
27:00
Holly: So cemeteries have freestanding. New places for burying people independent of churches and graveyards called cemeteries.
27:05
Harley: We need that the more you know meme.
27:10
Holly: There was no church there. So it was a cemetery.
27:13
Harley: No, there was a church there. They were in the church having their little Christmas Mingler. So they do this, whatever they call it in the book.
27:24
Holly: Where it's a friend's Christmas Eve thing.
27:26
Harley: It was something about the like, because there was this whole thing about the town having this like Christmas tradition of people being lonely and shacking up with whoever they could get near them. So they weren't alone for Christmas. Which is not a vibe I get behind. I'm like, I will be alone for Christmas. Yay! I won't. I'm spending time with my family.
27:45
Harley: But there's this whole thing. And so a few of the characters, so like Molly, and Lena and the bartender, Mavis, came together and created this singles Christmas event, where it was like, ‘we can spend time with people’ and like a Friendsmas. But it was based around them being single. So I can't remember what the official name of it was. But it was like a singles Christmas. And then it just became a tradition where it was like, you don't have to be single. So like Lena is shacked up with Tucker, the pilot. Molly and Theo have been in a long-term relationship and all that stuff. So yes, they do continue it past the point, it stops being a singles mixer at some stage, and becomes the town Christmas party, but it's done in the church. So they're all in the church. So it's a graveyard.
28:28
Holly: Yes. So in my head, there was a road and a forest and a cemetery in the forest, separate to the church and graveyard. But no, it makes sense that obviously the graveyard will be next to church. And if it was a graphic novel, I would have picked up on that.
28:43
Harley: I have to say, too, I did not realize that she was right near the church, the whole altercation that ends up with the like Santa’s dead and his wish happening is Lena is cutting down trees, illegally essentially, that her ex-husband has planted to deal with some like environmentalist. So basically, he's a developer and he wants to do something and his way of getting it done is to just be like, ‘Yes, I've planted 150 like pine trees, which are native to the area. Fuck off and leave me alone.’
29:15
Holly: We’re narrowing it down. Bats are not native to the area. But pine trees are.
29:20
Harley: I’m pretty sure they say it's California at one stage.
29:24
Holly: Makes sense why it's called Pine Cove if it's full of pine trees, developer or not.
29:29
Harley: But anyway, so Lena is illegally cutting it down. And it's been a big issue for him as a developer, because every time, every year someone steals some of these trees because they are good Christmas trees because they're not like 100-year-old pines. They're relatively recent. So he's like, I'm going to go catch this person who's stealing my Christmas trees and turns out it's his ex-wife. So he's like, ‘fuck you bitch’ and I think goes to attack her and she hits him with a shovel and yada yada. But I got the vibe that that was in a completely separate area to where the church was and it wasn't until Raziel was there being like, ‘somewhere in this area, there is a Santa bring this lot back to life and then I'mma fuck off back to God.’
30:06
Harley: I didn't realize that those things happened close together until that exact moment. Now it makes sense why we spent some time in the graveyard hanging out with the ghosts. But yes, it does spend a bit of time I will say this book, bouncing between, reality and unreality in ways where it's like, sometimes you're in like Molly's head. And so the bat talks and you're like that’s because she's crazy or whatever. But then you also have moments where we're not in anybody's head, where like the ghosts of the graveyard are talking. But it has that crazy unreality thing, and that's what makes it hard with Roberto the bat to know if he actually talks or if Molly's just crazy, because even if it's just one other character, other people reference him talking and other characters have whole conversations about him talking. But then the only time we see him talk is to a crazy person. So it's that thing of like, what's real and what's not. What's a standard supernatural thing that can happen in this universe? And what's crazy people gonna crazy. Well, so to a certain degree, Molly is Kendra Warrior Babe because she literally leaps on top of cars and cuts down zombies.
31:16
Holly: That was a beautiful scene. So the whole town is stuck in this church. They've sent out her hubby, the cop, obviously to go.
31:29
Harley: So the whole town except Molly. So she and Theo had a fight and she decided to stay home. But then the angel shows up on her doorstep.
31:38
Holly: The angel and the bat.
31:44
Harley: So the angel shows up. And he's like, ‘I'm an angel.’ And she's like, ‘No, you're not.’ And he's like, bam, scar healed. And then the bat shows up. And it's like everybody in the church is in danger.
31:50
Holly: Very Lassie-esque, this bat.
31:53
Harley: And then she trots off to the church to save the day. Meanwhile, in the church, they've sent out the town cop, her husband.
32:00
Holly: To go and like sort out what's going on. And he's just very much ill-equipped to deal with this.
32:05
Harley: So they've sent him to the car, or to someone's car to get to safety or get the gun or whatever. So he has left his gun in the car. Meanwhile, Dale, Santa, they buried him with his gun. And at one point they turn around to Tucker and like, ‘why the fuck would you bury him with his gun?’ And Tucker's like, ‘I didn't expect him to come back to life. I didn't think it would be an issue.’
32:27
Holly: And so they were concerned that someone had left their keys in their car and that one of the Zombies was going to drive the car through the door instead of using the battering ram.
32:36
Harley: Well, yes. So there was this whole thing of how do we get out to get to safety or to get help or any of that stuff. Well, the zombies are trying to get in to eat our brains so that they can take a trip to IKEA. And it was kind of this do-or-die moment. So Theo's got to the car, but the zombies are all there and he's trying to fight them off, and he's not winning that battle. Meanwhile, at the church, zombies have figured out that if they barricade the doors and set a fire that they can get everybody out of the church because it will be on fire.
33:05
Holly: Yeah, barbecue brains, just as good.
33:09
Harley: Well, Mavis did promise a barbecue. So it was this kind of do-or-die moment, where there's no hope and whatever shall we do? And then suddenly, Molly appears, sword in hand.
33:21
Holly: Molly turns up so she had broken her Broadsword, chopping down the Christmas tree, which is at a hilarious scene earlier in the book. She's then found the sword that her husband has got her.
33:29
Harley: So she's kicked him out being like, ‘you’re an asshole.’ And he's like, ‘well, your present’s up there, for what it’s worth.’
33:36
Holly: So she goes up and helps the present.
33:40
Harley: Realizes that he does actually understand and love her. She wants to go see him. But she's dealing with the angel and talking bat.
33:49
Holly: And naturally takes a sword with her, gets to the cemetery, sees all these zombies, leaps up on top of a car, and it's just this gorgeous scene of her like slicing through them, heads are rolling. Arms are flying. Body parts just going everywhere. And it is a very cool scene, Shaun of the Dead kind of style. It would be great as a graphic novel.
34:14
Harley: I do think it's worth mentioning. I'm going a little off-topic here. But a lot of these characters feature in his other novels. Which is not particularly helpful for us, because we haven't read them. But this is like the Christmas episode of a TV show.
34:24
Holly: So if these characters feature in other novels, why do we have so much backstory for them?
34:34
Harley: I think it might be his writing style. Well, I don't know because I've not read the other stuff, but there's no reason for it to be there other than that's his writing style.
34:42
Holly: I did enjoy his humour. I might look into reading something else. Just some little things, like there was no chapter 13. He was like we're just eliminating chapter 13. Because 13’s an unlucky number. So there's just no chapter 13.
35:00
Harley: I did not notice that. I power through anything that’s not relevant information to me like the number of the chapter or what they’re called, mostly.
35:10
Holly: Well, in my version it literally said, ‘there is no chapter 13 because. There is no chapter 13 because 13’s an unlucky number.’
35:15:
Harley: I don’t think mine said that. Either that or I forgot as soon as I read it.
35:19
Harley: I actually think he's a good storyteller. He's funny, I just think it's the wrong format. That's it. Because it was funny. And I did laugh at lots of it. But I could very much see the comic panels in my head. I do have a very visual brain. So I do often, like see things in my head, but I don't usually see a different format, I see the world the author’s building or whatever. Whereas for this one, all I could see was the comic panels.
35:45
Holly: Probably should have Googled to make sure that it's not also a comic book before we started. Imagine if it was, and we've just rambled on for pages.
35:53
Harley: But I think at the end of the day, the way that we consumed it, because it's like reading Flight Club and saying I feel this would be better as a movie. It is a movie, it is better as a movie. But at the end of the day, if the only assessment that you're making is off the book, then the feedback for the book is, this is a good story in the wrong format. I would say the same thing about this, if it is a graphic novel, I don't think it is. But if it is a graphic novel, and that's out there, I'd be really interested to read it because I do feel like that is a much better way of telling this story. And I'd be interested to see if that actually holds true. But at the end of the day, judging on the book alone, it's a good story. And it's funny, but it's the wrong format. And I think that assessment stands.
36:41
Harley: I will say actually, this is one I didn't look up. Like often, I've referenced in earlier episodes that all look up what other people think and all that. I really didn't with this one, I just read it and was done.
36:54
Holly: Yes, apparently there's an IMDB page about it. Potentially they started and then they changed their mind?
37:02
Harley: I wouldn't have made it into a movie. I feel like if he's got a lot of other characters, like Pine Cove could potentially be a TV show, because they definitely were characters that could expand out into other things. But this story is at best a Christmas episode.
37:14
Holly: No graphic novel as far as I can see.
37:18
Harley: Well, like I said, even if there was a graphic novel, that judging it on the basis of the book alone, it is a good story. It's just in the wrong format. In my opinion, which, for what that's worth, any other thoughts?
37:32
Holly: No, I think we covered it all.
37:36
Harley: Yes, I'm not sure that as much as to say, it did feel like a really quick read once you got through that slog of the start.
37:41
Holly: And it's a simple, just a comedy. There's nothing to uncover. There's no deeper meaning.
37:50
Harley: Which actually is a great example of the fact that not all stories have to be deeper meaning stuff. And not all stories that lack these, like deep esoteric meaning are like chick flicks, or romance novels, or fairy porn, or whatever. It can be something completely independent of those formats, and still have merit. Because I do think it has merit. As much as I have been harping on about the wrong format thing. I think that the core story itself is good. I think he is funny. And there definitely are moments in there, if anything, I think that graphic novel format would emphasize his humour, because he is funny. And it is a good story. And I think that idea of characters taking things so literally, with no real concept of how earth works, is fantastic. Raziel is a really funny character. And funny because he is very literal. And so it is this thing for that scene that I talked about where he comes into the bar, it's like ‘I need a child.’ There is that humour that comes purely from the dichotomy of him being like, ‘I need a child so that I can grow on their Christmas wish and just make this miracle happen so I can get on my merry way.’ Meanwhile, the characters who come from our world and have our understanding of things are like ‘this man just walked into a bar and asked for a child, what the hell?’ And that nuanced understanding of the question so that like, there is a great deal of humour there. And I think that's really well done and all that.
39:25
Holly: I do like the way that he’s done a few elements of humour really well. There are scenes that are just funny, chaotic, ridiculous things that happen. There are jokes where the punch line just lands really well. And then there are little things like what you've just described, but he hasn't harped on explaining why it's funny. Which is where I think sometimes comedy falls down, is where they're gone, ‘this is funny,’ and then they've proceeded to make the characters explain why it's funny. Just let it be and if the reader or the watcher or whatever it is, doesn't get it, they don’t get it and that's fine, move on.
40:04
Harley: Nothing makes a joke less funny than explaining it. Nothing is funnier though, than watching somebody who makes a bad joke be forced to explain it when you deliberately misunderstand the question. ‘I don’t get it. So explain to me why sexual assault’s funny.’ To be fair, the author does not make any sexual assault jokes or things like that. I think the closest that comes is the characters, or does he?
40:29
Holly: I was going to say, I think he does a really good job of skirting on that line of ooh we can’t say that.
40:46
Harley: He does it a few times at different points in the book. But that scene that I've described is actually a very good example of how he treads around that level of humour we get, but the characters in the bar, like they all unite against him being like get the fuck out. Because they are like this weird man is asking for a child. And we will not have that here. We get that it's a joke, like a pedophilia joke. But it's not done in a way that mocks people who have experienced that and it literally is like, one character interprets something one way, when it's meant a completely different way, it's not harped on about, it's not done any of that stuff. We know going in that this is going to be the angel and that he's literally looking to grant a child's Christmas wish, he's just like ‘any child, I just want to grant a wish and get the fuck on with my day.’
41:27
Holly: So even though it is that joke, there's no maliciousness behind it.
41:31
Harley: And it's not done in a way that is uncomfortable, or where you feel like you're laughing at victims of sexual assault or any of that stuff. So I actually think that he handles that edginess very well, because he doesn't try and push that line, where it's like, look how edgy I am. I'm so edgy. And you do have to do that thing, and often that is when guys are like I'm so edgy, is when I will do the like, sorry explain that joke to me one more time. I don't get it. Explain how it's funny. And then when they give up and go. It's not funny when I have to explain that. You know what, I’m just going to move on. I don’t think I like you much.
42:10
Holly: However, we do like Christopher Moore. We think he is funny.
42:16
Harley: Yes, and I think that he very much knows when to stop, like, stop explaining. Or, don't push the joke any further.
42:24
Holly: And full circles a lot of jokes, too, which was really beautiful. Like, very early on in the book, Molly is like, ‘I want you to fuck me.’ And then her partner does. And then she's had an orgasm, and she's like, ‘I'm going to wash your Volvo later.’ And he's like, ‘oh okay. so that's my reward. I thought this was the reward.’
42:48
Harley: She says, ‘no, this was the reward for helping me, the Volvo is the reward for the orgasm I just got.’
42:53
Holly: And then later on in the book, it comes back and he's like, ‘I guess you're not going to wash my Volvo.’
43:00
Harley: And you know, what I think he does well, is the like, a lot of these jokes, especially with that crazy element. There is the potential there to lean into mocking the victim. And I think that he manages to not do that. Because he actually is very respectful of how he talks about Molly and all that. Like from the get-go. She crazy. But its not done in a way where it's making fun of, so as much as we can laugh at those moments of craziness and things like that. I think that's consistent through the humour that he displays throughout the book, he is that as much as it's about things that I think people who want to be edgy, tend to veer towards, because he's not trying to be edgy, it seems like genuinely funny. He manages to do it in a way that is not disrespectful or mocking or any of that stuff. So it's like we're laughing with Molly. We're not laughing at Molly.
43:57
Holly: The whole town. Every character is very respectful of that. Like she's a town crazy lady.
44:04
Harley: Across the board of his humour when the craziness comes up because it is there, and not just for Molly, but that blurring of reality and unreality and all that stuff. But there is a lot of moments of those miscommunications because everybody's existing in different realities and all that stuff. And the closest to irritating humour or irritating edginess or whatever is actually the scientist zapping his own balls. And it's not actually the humour part that irritates me. It’s fucking another one of those men who's having a sook but he actually writes it very well because that's why it irritates me is because I’ve met that guy, who's like I'm so hard done by women are the worst and guys like me, I'll never get any, so I need to zap myself to like, ruin my sexual desire. And I'm poor me… I’m like ‘god, just buy a fleshlight and get over yourself.’ But I've met that guy. The reason why I found it irritating is because he's done a good job of explaining who that guy is. I don't think that he's would have been such a prominent character for this story.
45:06
Holly: He must be a prominent character in other stories.
45:12
Harley: But at any rate the time that we did spend with him that he was a very realistic character. And that the only time that anything really veered into the like oh fuck this guy for me, which I think was actually the author doing a good job, I think that this is an excellent study in how to be funny about things that can go either way.
45:32
Holly: Yes, without being condescending.
45:33
Harley: Well, I think that's how you are actually funny about it. And he's done a really incredible job of that.
45:40
Holly: Yes, I think I will read more of his work.
45:44
Harley: Yes, I'd be interested to see some of his other stuff. And I probably would have an easier time. I feel like maybe he's an author that like your second or third book of his is better because you know, his writing style. So there's a bit of a slog at the start, but once he gets into his characters…
45:59
Holly: I’ve just had a realization. I did wonder why it said, Pine Cove Number Three, dickhead, it would be the third book in the Pine Cove Series.
46:10
Harley: Ok yep, it took her a minute but she did arrive.
46:13
Holly: More than a minute.
46:14
Harley: It took her 52 minutes.
46:15
Holly: And a week and a half since reading the book.
46:19
Harley: You got there in the end.
46:22
Holly: I did get there in the end.
46:26
Harley: We're going to leave it on that nice note. It's probably one of the few times I feel like in this podcast, we've had a bit of a nuanced thing that ends with but we really like what the author has done. So let's end on a high note. I know we have Taylor Jenkins Reid where we fan-girled hard, but often we are nitpicky. And this is one where we're being a little bit nitpicky, but also actually overall, really, I have high praise for what he's done well.
46:55
Holly: Especially seeing as it’s I don’t think something you read. It's certainly not something that I read, normally. This kind of thing.
46:59
Harley: It was definitely out of the box for us.
47:04
Holly: And I'm definitely not the person to sit down and read a Christmas novel.
47:07
Harley: No. So we actually had to go and seek out a Christmas novel when we were like, ‘do we want to do a Christmas episode? Yes, we want to do a Christmas episode.’
47:15
Holly: ‘Can we do like a Die Hard style Christmas? Where it’s not really Christmas.’ No, but this one….
47:20
Harley: Have you seen a thing that's like Die Hard is not a Christmas movie? It's a Harry Potter movie. He's the chosen one hiding from Alan Rickman.
47:27
Holly: Oh my god, no!
47:30
Harley: So it’s not a Christmas movie. It’s a Harry Potter movie.
47:33
Holly: It’s a Harry Potter Christmas Special!
47:37
Harley: Anyway, I'll just leave you with that fun little aside.
47:40
Holly: Well, thanks for joining us for our first and possibly only Christmas episode.
47:44
Harley: So we definitely chose this book because it seemed like it was going to be funny. And we were like, if we're going to do a Christmas episode, or we're going to do an actual Christmas episode, not a Die Hard Christmas episode, let’s at least try for humour. And I think he delivered on that. So, much appreciated. Merry Christmas. And to all a good night. And something like that.
48:05
Holly: And something like that.
48:08
Harley: As always, if you haven't already left a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, you should totally do that.
48:16
Holly: Absolutely. What a lovely Christmas present for us.
48:18
Harley: That’s our Christmas wish. Make it come true. I've already got my two front teeth.
48:20
Holly: And our P.O. Box is on our website, bimbobookclub.com, If you feel like sending actual Christmas presents.
48:26
Harley: You can also find more show notes and episode descriptions and all that fun stuff on our website. In the meantime, all relevant links will be in our show notes on whatever platform you're listening to this on and you can find us on all the social media platforms.
48:43
Holly: Merry Christmas and bimbos out.
48:43
Harley: Merry Christmas. bimbos out.
